So...I've had a small cloud of Dementors in my entourage lately.
The other day, after being home for awhile, after having a cup of hot tea that was made for me with love, after eating a completely calorically irredeemable dinner that was comfort food to the nth degree, I realized again that I can only be responsible for my own actions. I can't change...anyone. What they do, or don't do. Think, or don't. Say, or don't. None of it is a reflection on me, how I think or feel, what I do or don't. The Dementors would have me believe otherwise. That voice on my shoulder even has a name of her own. Fleur (yes, have another Harry Potter reference) whispers about my shortcomings, the ways I am lacking in necessary qualities. The ways I fail, disappoint, let down.
Generally, I say, fuck you Fleur. But this time, instead of curling up on the couch and succumbing to the pity-party-for-one, I had another cup of tea and finished my knitted slippers. Turned off my computer about a half hour before bed and did some yoga. Sleep never comes that easily for me, but it did that night, and thankfully it was dreamless. I woke up early and instead of listlessly smacking the alarm, worrying, mindlessly devolving into the usual rut, I got up, did some light stretches, and sewed two buttons back on my favourite pants.
So, here's the rule I'm going to try to live by for a month. Broken into weekly bites (because that's how you eat an elephant!), but generally categorized as follows:
- Knit on a thing
- Bake a thing
- Write a thing
- Finish a thing
- Fix a thing
Feeling good so far, March. I owe you a baked thing before I go to bed on Sunday night.